Most people are scared of rational things like spiders, snakes or mice. Not me, okay I am scared of moths but whats my biggest fear?
For me, I don’t know why, whether it be something that I haven’t quite dealt with that maybe I need some sort of counselling but my biggest fear is not being good enough. I know a lot of people feel like this but every time I’m truly happy I find a way to put myself down, yes that’s a lot to do with my anxiety but I’ve never felt like I’m a good enough girlfriend (nothing to do with dan, he’s amazing) due to past relationships. when we argue no matter whose fault it is I blame myself, I obsess over it. Worry that I’m going to push him away or that he will find someone better (no matter how much he tells me he only wants me).
I’m scared of failing as a mother because all I want is to be close to my kids, I craved it so much when I was a child, after losing my mother. That I’m scared I’m going to be an overbearing mum, not the type they want to come to talk to or go shopping with or cry to when they are upset.
I know this post sounds like the biggest pity party ever but it’s not meant to be. I wrote this post because not all fears are black and white and no matter what your fear, it matters. Recently I feel like I’ve been in a better place and that I’m facing my fears, I’m finally realising that I am worthy of love and that no matter what, my kids will love me as long as I’m present and show how much I love them that’s all that matters. I can’t control what they will or won’t share with me because let’s face it everyone has secrets but I can be there when they need me.
Self worth is so vital to your happiness if you don’t feel good about YOU, it’s hard to feel good about anything else